Thursday, October 21, 2004
It's been a year.
A year ago today was the last day of my lost pregnancy. We got the news of an impending miscarriage on 10/6/03, and a diagnosis of a blighted ovum on 10/8/03, but I waited a few weeks before giving in and accepting that my body was just not going to do this on its own, and scheduled a d&c for 10/21/03.

I am so grateful that I did start bleeding the night before the procedure, because that meant I could stop feeling so doubtful that something actually was wrong.

I am so grateful to my husband for carrying me through such a dark time.

I am so grateful to my daughter for forcing me to smile and move on with my life.

I am so grateful to that lost baby, because any ambivalence I may have had about having a second child was erased by the grief I felt at that loss.

And I am so grateful to be typing this post one-handed as I hold my sweet, sleeping baby boy. Jacob could not have existed if that pregnancy had progressed, and while I know I would have loved that child just as much, I can't hold regrets when this little boy is so perfect.