Thursday, June 23, 2005
Horrible evening
I just had the world's crappiest afternoon/evening.

I went on a job interview, which went well - it's for a part-time teaching job, for which I wouldn't have to get daycare, so it really means free money. So that was good, and marked the end of my good day. Immediately after that, I got totally, helplessly lost (this was over near the new house).

Then I got turned down for a cell phone - specifically, I have to put down a big deposit to get one, which I can't do, so, same difference. My credit sucks. This is not due to wild spending sprees or unpaid bills. I've been a full-time student for the past 11 years, and a SAHM for the past 5 years, so I have no employment record to speak of, and no credit cards in my name. Hence, sucky credit score. Not a big deal, just embarrassing and annoying. Willem can get it in his name, I just wanted to do it myself, ya know?

Then I got tapped on the highway on the way home, by a woman who apparently believes that turning on her turn signal will magically clear out the lane next to her, so that she doesn't actually have to bother LOOKING. The good news is, my car's brakes work at 75 mph and so does my middle finger, and there was no damage to my car. The bad news is, I was too shaken up to get the woman's license plate and I think I lost three years of my life from the adrenaline rush.

I got home to find Jacob still awake. Because Willem wanted to keep him up for a while for observation after his FALL DOWN THE STAIRS. Excuse me?!? Jacob is fine, he actually rolled more than fell, no marks or bruises on him. And Willem's already feeling plenty of guilt, so I don't need to use that particular weapon. Which is good, because guilt takes energy and, frankly, I'm running out of that just now.

Jacob was a terror when it was bedtime again. The past week has been awful, anyway (sleep-wise), and it's killing me.

While I was coping with bedtime, my dad left a message on our voice mail, which Willem listened to. After Jacob was FINALLY asleep and in the midst of Willem's weekly check on the credit cards/bank account status, Willem said, from across the room, something to the effect of, "Oh, I forgot to tell you, your dad called. Your grandmother is really sick, and it's not looking like she'll get better. Something about how she had pneumonia and now she's not able to swallow anything anymore."

Way to soften the blow, there, chief.

To be fair, he did apologize - but it still messed with me in the moment. I knew she was not doing well, but my father had been in to visit her a few days ago and then he thought she was on the mend, so this is all a shock for me. It's actually my great-grandmother, she's 92. Growing up, I spent two or three weeks every summer with her, and she is one of my very favorite people in the whole world.

So now, three days before we're supposed to move, we'll be taking a trip to NY to visit her, just in case this is our last chance. She's had dementia for the past 2 or so years, so I don't know that she'll recognize me at all. But the point is that she gave me so much in my life that I owe her a cheering-up visit, and I know the kids will make her happy. So I'm in the process of trying to find a hotel room that we can afford that doesn't include "Now With Fewer Roaches" in the slogan.

Ugh. I'm so tired and strung out and stressed right now. And I was already stupid from the move in general, so I'm incapable of forming an intelligent thought right now. Please don't ask me what I want for breakfast tomorrow, that's just beyond me for the moment.