Monday, October 10, 2005
Argh. Seriously, just, argh.

Jacob has never been a great sleeper, and his big hallmark has always been unpredictability. Just when I was about to throw a big, embarrassing tantrum on the floor of the hallway outside his room, he started going to sleep without a big fuss. Right when I was about to simply keel over and die from sleep deprivation, he started sleeping for longer than 3 hours at a stretch. As my breasts were about to detach and move away out of protest from overuse, he stopped needing to be fed in the middle of the night. And so on.

So, I suppose, given that pattern, then he should be darn near ready to stop this latest mom-brain-melting set of antics, because I sure feel like I'm right at the end of my tether on this one. He has suddenly, after probably 6 months of being good about lying down in his crib awake and putting himself to sleep, decided that bedtime is a horrible, horrible thing, and the only appropriate response is to scream as though I have dropped him into a tank full of serial killers and small irritating dogs. He's happy through the rest of our bedtime routine... he nurses, he brushes teeth, he is engaged and interactive but in a calm way during our story, he turns off the lights, he dances with me for a song or two on his CD player... then sometimes he even points to the crib as if to say, "Okay, His Highness decrees that His Royal Servant Mother may now deposit him thusly." So I do. Sometimes he even rolls over and snuggles in. And then, within seconds of my leaving the room, WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

We have never in his life had much luck with a true cry-it-out scenario. He has far, far more stamina than I do in that regard. But even the sort of modified situations, where I will stay in the room and rub his back and slowly ease toward the door, have not been working. He will lie down for a bit, then pop up his head and grin at me until I say, "Lay down, Jacob," and then he'll flop back down. But I think this is actually just a form of peek-a-boo to him, and it is clear to me that peek-a-boo is not the type of game for which both participants need to be happy and engaged in order for Jacob to find it hilarious.

I have no right to complain, I know. He eats well, only nursing twice a day and taking a good variety of foods the rest of the time. He plays well, sometimes doing his own thing for an hour or more, which actually allows me to *gasp* get things done by myself. He is snuggly and kissy and sweet, and he is learning lots of great new tricks. But ARRRRGH this sleeping thing will be the death of me. I can just see the headlines: "Mother's Head Explodes in Baby's Room; Husband States it was Another Difficult Bedtime."