I'm having some serious second, third, fourth, five-hundredth thoughts about this Alien Communication Device. Sure, sure, it's supposed to prevent pregnancy and not mess with a lot of hormones and so in theory I'll have fewer migraines, even though I feel like THOSE are under control and easy enough to treat when they happenl.

BUT. I am having way more pain than seems like a good idea for any circumstance that doesn't result in a new baby. This is not your normal average run-of-the-mill men-sneer-but-whimper-if-someone-even-looks-sternly-at-their-buddies sort of menstrual cramping, this is breathing-exercises-and-medication type pain. I'm not sure how long I'm supposed to just deal with this until I call someone or call the mother ship to come and beam me up for removal, or what. Ugh.

And, to add insult to injury, I've discovered that apparently having this device installed means that I'm also communicating with traffic lights. Because I swear that I never hit as many red lights as I have in the past few weeks.