Wednesday, December 13, 2006
No More Morning Who
Today has already been weird, and it's not quite 9:30 yet. Bad sign.

It actually started about 12 hours ago, when I was falling asleep on the couch and decided I might as well go to bed early. Now, "early" for me is 10:00, and I usually consider myself ahead of the game if I'm in bed by 11:00, so being asleep by 9:30 is very unusual. And now I remember why. I woke up at about 3:45 wide awake, argued myself back to sleep, and woke up again at 5:30 to an argument between Willem and Jacob. Apparently one of them wanted chocolate milk, the other was unwilling to provide refreshments in the middle of the night, and much haranguing and posturing ensued.

After that, I was not able to get back to sleep. I did, however, stay in bed, for two reasons. One, brought to you by the higher-order intelligent part of my brain, was because if I was that tired last night, I clearly needed the rest, so I should lie there and be still even if I couldn't sleep anymore. And two, brought to you by the technology-inept and pathetic part of my brain, couldn't figure out how to turn off my alarm clock before it went off.

So I laid there and was reminded of why I wouldn't do well in prison. The concept of being awake and not being able to do anything doesn't go over so well with me.

My alarm finally went off at 6:45, and I bounded out of bed as though a catapult had been installed. This is a bit of a departure from my normal three-whacks-on-the-snooze-button-and-whine routine.

Willem, having a few minutes to kill while waiting for me to get out of the shower, decided to put in some music for the short people to wake up to. A nice idea and I'm all for it, but it happened to be The Who and now the words "miles and miles and miles and miles and miles and miles and miles" are hermetically sealed into my brain.

Later, as part of the driveway departure process I learned that the annoying seat belt warning beep in my minivan doesn't activate when you're driving in reverse. This is important information, and if I eventually get arrested for driving to work backwards, you'll know why.

See, in New Hampshire, the Live Free of Bite Me State, seat belts are optional for adults in the front seat. I'm all for wearing seat belts, let's be safe, let's not crack our heads on the windshield, blah blah blah... but I really, really hate it when my car tries to act like my mother, nagging about putting a seat belt on for four full minutes before it gives up and sulks. Makes me all oppositional, and I end up deliberately NOT wearing a seat belt while playing the radio really loud just to put one up over my car.

Shut up. Like you're always logical and more emotionally stable than a minivan. Whatever.

Then at Jacob's school some little shithead big kid announced that Jacob wasn't allowed to play with blocks today because he's a baby and he'll ruin their buildings. At which point Jacob started to re-whine (I had been holding out faint hope that, after last night's Whine Extravaganza, he might have strained his whine muscle) and cling to my leg. Then he cried. So I lectured the big kid and de-latched Jacob and headed to work, and we all know how lovely it is to leave your kid behind amidst a flurry of toddler angst.

So I'm here at work now, waiting for the next weird thing. Bring it on.