Wednesday, January 24, 2007
My Daughter Has Mad Cow Disease
I don't have it on video, so you'll have to take my word for it. (At least until I get mean enough to actually film it.) When Emily has a tantrum, she makes this noise which can most accurately be referring to as mooing. Very loud, a sustained note, just about as annoying as a mortal can be. I don't care how many closed doors are between us, that sound can eke its way through any minute crack and find its way into my skull. And I'm hard of hearing.

Last night, the tantrum du jour had to do with her not wanting to take a bath. I have absolutely no idea where that came from or what it was about, because she's had a bath most nights of her life and it's never been an issue before. Whatever. Last night the mooing was particularly entrancing, given the echoing off the porcelain and tile.

Rather than waste energy trying to out-shout her or make her calm down, we use the ignore-and-taunt tactic with great success. We don't talk to her, we just sit around and moo at each other. Drives her crazy, makes us giggle, keeps everyone alive one more night.

In the midst of the barnyard extravaganza, I remembered the old "How to Tell if Your Cow Has Mad Cow Disease" email forward, and ventured online to find it. I was successful.

But before I found it, I found two other sites. The first one, I fully expected to be G-rated, just like all of the other mad cow joke (singular, joke) I had seen online, so I had Jacob all snuggled up to me on the couch when I pressed PLAY. Within 7 seconds, it was decidedly Not Safe For Work, Home or Certain Cars. Yikes. I'm all for the general suggestion that one should fornicate, even with equines, but we don't need to have my two-year-old passing along said suggestion to his classmates. The second one is quite a bit more family-friendly, though it still scares the bejeezus out of Jacob.

All in all, last night was a bovine-intensive night. Luckily for Emily, there has been no mooing tonight. Mondays and Wednesdays, Willem teaches until 8:00 so I'm alone with the kids, and my tolerance for mooing is even lower than usual. And it's not usually that high to begin with.