Monday, January 22, 2007
The Token Loser
Well, that was quite a bit less fun than poking myself in the eye with a knitting needle. And I have reason to know.

I just logged on to the intranet for my grad school, because I needed to be sure that my student loans were going to be deferred another semester. (They are. Hooray.) And discovered an inbox full of notes, because one of my classmates sent out a mass email to everyone else in my "graduating class" - we all entered in 2001, which means we should (hah!) be graduating in May. She wrote about what she's doing and what her plans are, and asked everyone else to reply.

So now I feel like a total loser. I know that I'm not - in my daily existence, I'm happy with where I am, I've accepted my failures and love my kids and generally feel okay with where my life is heading. But this is like going to your class reunion to serve fries to all of the CEOs, you know? Just, my accomplishments are not the things which are noted on a curriculum vita.

Ugh. Murky and pathetic, and now I get to decide whether to reply. I'm thinking, no. Allow me a moment of cowardice and pride... it's not that I'm ashamed of the sharp right turn that my life has taken, because I'm not. But that doesn't mean I want to be exposed to the judgment or - even worse - pity of my high-achieving classmates.

And it's so odd that it's me in this position. Three years ago, I don't think I was on anyone's least-likely-to-succeed list.

Blech. I wish I drank.