My mother-in-law is coming on Wednesday. Flying in. I have to pick her up at the airport because the prison is a lot closer to the airport than home is. Which means an hour alone with her in the car afterward.

She has a gift for pissing me off beyond all words, but in ways that I could never anticipate and therefore prepare for.

She hates my father. My father, who lives with us now. And his "weekends" are Tuesdays and Wednesdays. So their time here will overlap.

I'm hosting a surprise birthday thing for her, because I treat her far better than she treats me and I HATE that about myself. Her sister and sister's husband are coming up. While this is well-intentioned, I guarantee that I will get a "Oh, you shouldn't have," which makes my ears bleed just thinking about it. If we don't do something, she pouts - literally, lower lip pooched out, pouts. And if we do something, it's too much. Shut up and be happy for one day in your life, you passive-aggressive beast.

Plus she SAYS she loves her sister but they snipe all the time.

Then I'm leaving the kids with her for the weekend while Willem and I go away for our aniversary. This sounded like a great idea back in January but now I don't want to leave them at all, much less with her. She always acts like she has no idea what to do with children and can't entertain or feed or clothe or generally manage them on her own, so she'll call us in a panic and then say... "Oh, no, don't come home, they'll be fine!"

I'm just glad that Jacob already took his first steps last weekend, because if he had not yet started walking, I can guaran-gosh-darn-tee that I would come home to her saying, "Oh, he took his first steps!" Even though I bet he wouldn't really - she would just say so to poke one more hole in my already addled brain.

I am also, snottily, glad that he has been having a hard time going to sleep lately. No reason to think he'll sleep better for her than he does for me!

Though I bet she'll say he did, just for fun.

AAAAAHHHHHHHH look at what this woman does to me! She's not even here yet and she has already turned me into a paranoid, bitter person.

I'll be off practicing my deep breathing, visualization and dissociation techniques until she arrives...