Remember how insane I went, this time last year, with the whole internship application process?? How I had to make 16 copies of this 30-page application and mail it out and then sit and wait for replies? Well, that was *nothing* compared to my misery this year. Last year, I at least got offered some interviews - this year, so far, I have gotten 8 rejections and no interviews yet. Still waiting on the other 8.

The way the process works is, I send in applications in October, then in December I find out whether or not I'll have an interview somewhere. Then I interview in January, and then in March I find out whether or not I get a placement. Which is horrible and sadistic all on its own.

I got several interviews last year - this year, so far, not a one. I'm not loving the rejection. I barely made any changes at all to my application, except to update the new work I've done on my dissertation and the prison work I've done, so the only real difference is that I've taken a year off. I kind of suspected that it might be harder to get a placement if I took time off - companies TALK about "work-life balance," but when it comes to a one-year internship where they get 200 applicants for 2 spots, they might as well take someone with NO priorities outside work, since the person isn't likely to totally burn out within that year, anyway. I just didn't realize it was going to be this bad for me.

I'm still waiting on those last 8 sites, pessimistically by now, and cringing every time I open my email or mailbox. I've had a fair amount of success in my life, and it's not like I applied to only super-competitive sites, so this rejection is really throwing me for a loop - I'm not good at it.

If I don't get an internship, I get one more year at home with the kids and then I can try again next year. If I don't get placed NEXT year, then I literally will not be able to graduate, and all of my student loans will be an essentially useless debt, without the higher-paying job that I would get with the degree. So, I'm a tad strung out just lately...

On the up-side, a friend and I each lost about a pound yesterday. We donated about 12" each to Locks of Love. So I got a fantastic day out in Boston with two wonderful friends, and NO CHILDREN AT ALL, so there are bright moments in the midst of all my panic and yuckiness here...