Wednesday, June 14, 2006
What I Have Learned at My New Job
Coffee ain't so bad.
I don't drink it now, the whallop of caffeine is just a sure trip to Headacheville. But I'm thinking that by December, I'll be a junkie with the best of 'em, mainlining a Dunchachino while driving and talking on the phone and doing my makeup.

Everyone is named Carol.
The vast majority of the staff members at my new job are female, or at least they dress like women. And after my first-day newbie torture, in which they introduced me to every living thing in the building, I could swear that at least 90% of them are named Carol.

There is a "Power/Sleep/Hibernate" trifecta of horror on my work keyboard.
Right up where the Insert/Home/Page Up buttons go on every other keyboard I have ever used in my life, there instead are these little one-push lose-all-your-work buttons. I haven't lost any work that way yet... but I've got a tantrum all lined up for the first time I do. I just wrote myself a note to go in and change Word's Autosave freqency to every 30 seconds the next time I'm in the office.

Cool people get to use cell phones in the ER.
I would be one of those cool people.

Scrubs are not sexy.
I'm sorry. I know that doctors and nurses have to wear scrubs, though I'm not entirely sure why. But they're not sexy. This is okay! They don't need to be sexy! They just need to accept that it's not meant to BE sexy.

Tucked-in scrubs aren't sexy, either.

Crazy isn't funny. It's painful.
But never fear, I'll still have plenty, PLENTY, of humorous and/or stupid material to cull from my coworkers and the ER staff. Plenty. Like, for a start, Security Officer Don, who last week (before I started) had been officially reprimanded for being too affectionate and condescending with all of the female staff. So now he practically bends into a back arch to prevent himself from kissing us on the cheek. Richard Dawson, he ain't.