Red.
The bright, glow-in-the-dark red of your child's back, sunburned for the first time, because the first application of sunscreen might not have reached her back, and the second application just somehow never happened.
Nothing makes you feel like a good parent quite like a nasty, painful sunburn. At least she's not to the point of blistering or bursting into flames. Still.
...because I said so
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