I stopped at the grocery store for milk and some odds and ends (odds, Aisle 3, Ends, Aisle 12 - I don't know why they don't shelve them together), and used the self checkout to escape the store.

The prerecorded Exorcist-meets-2001 voice announcing the prices and walking me through the process, just in case I was actually a Capuchin monkey with a recent lobotomy, was FAR LOUDER THAN IT NEEDED TO BE.

I'm just glad that I wasn't buying anything embarrassing.