Friday, June 08, 2007
Gentle Advice
If, God forbid, you find yourself in a hospital emergency room, for the second time in two days, being assessed for mental stability to determine whether it's safe for you to return to your home (where you'd rather be) or you need to be hospitalized involuntarily in a psychiatric unit halfway across the state, it might not help things move in your favor to hand your lunch tray to the security guard, flip it up into his face, and then attempt to escape, hospital gown a-flappin', out the nearest doors. There's one very specific reason why those particular doors are kept locked, and you are it.

I'd also encourage you not to tell your friendly neighborhood mental health clinician that it wasn't you that was assessed yesterday, but rather a woman named Jenny who is trying to take over your life and is your identical twin but isn't because your real twin lives out of state. Statements like this don't make you seem less> crazy, even if they're stone-cold truth. Especially because, unless the mental health clinician is also having visual hallucinations, you look about as unfemale as a person can look without walking around naked. (And, please, don't do that. Really, really.)