I didn't get married for the financial security or the legalities around property ownership. I didn't get married for the simplicity around parental rights and custody. I didn't even get married for the low-maintenance access to prurient late-night activities.

I got married so that I can sit on the couch on a Sunday evening and poke fun at "Extreme Makeover Home Edition" in horrible, politically incorrect, black-humor ways, and have my husband not only accept me and laugh, but join in. It's not that we're truly horrible people, we just recognize the value in laughing at that which cannot be laughed at in polite society, and in having someone we trust not to pass those words along to people whose opinions aren't quite so loving and accepting.

I also hve discovered the delight that lies in laughing with your spouse at your children. If anyone else (that is, my mother-in-law) points out critical or uncomplimentary or just mildly ridiculing things about my kids, I bound instantly into a 'roid rage, ready to defend at all costs and not ashamed to use weapons and cruelty to do it. But Willem and I, by virtue of genetics, can get away with it.

And, in turn, we can pass some of those savings along to you. Like, yesterday, Emily was playing with my hair, and brushed it all down into my face. Then she pushed it to one side and said, "I like it best when your hair is down like this. You look like a natural woman." Said perfectly straight-faced and serious, so I had to repress all of these Aretha Franklin comments until much later in the day.

Or Jacob, who was playing with a rubber bouncy ball yesterday and decided to bounce it off the hallway wall. While standing about a foot away. So it bounced, all right - directly back onto his forehead. He never even blinked.

These are things which are, admittedly, funny - but let someone else point out how goofy my kids are and they'll have that "Resident Evil" laser effect where for a few seconds they'll stand there looking normal, and then little chunks will start to fall off because they've been cut to ribbons.

(Okay, so, I'm not THAT protective... but it's a great visual, isn't it?)