Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Yesterday, Jordanna and Brian ganged up to share some warm-fuzzies with yours truly, and a well-timed assault it was. I'd been wallowing in some existential angst lately about my role in amongst this sticky, tangled Interweb stuff, and it's always lovely to get some validation.

No, no, I wasn't thinking of closing the blog. How many other chances in my life do I have to speak my piece, uninterrupted, on my own terms?

Yeah, not that many. So, I like this, and it generally occupies an uncomplicated space in my life.

The only complications arise when there are things I can't blog, because I would risk damaging the trust or privacy of those who would not choose to share their issues with the rest of the world. It just so happens that last week was characterized by many of these issues: a health scare for someone I care deeply about, but cannot blog because she wants it kept quiet until she knows for sure; a betrayal between two of my favorite people in the world, leaving one who with the guilt and self-doubt of inadvisable actions and the other with the unique and suffocating pain and self-doubt of disappointment; the what-will-I-do-with-my-life musings of yet another loved one... you get the idea. Things I certainly have strong and long-winded thoughts about, but can't share them in public.

There's also, of course, the issues that require a bazillion words to explain, and by the time I finish, you'll all have permanent forehead damage from banging your heads on the wall, if you're masochistic enough to read through it all anyway. Things like the fraternity freak-outs and temper tantrums that Willem tells me about. And my own angst over how to remain a member of a message board where most of the 20-some members are dear, close friends but two or three actively dislike me and do I really want to expose myself to that? Especially when I'm not allowed to acknowledge it because the board culture calls for harmony and conflict-avoidance above all else? Each are things I'd love to get some outside opinions on, but I just can't - and trust me, I've tried - figure out a way to present it in a coherent and compelling way.

So, whatever. I know, I'm skating on the edge of boring as it is. Just be grateful that I deleted the first two drafts of this monster.

The moral of this all is, thanks for your kindness and strength, all of you. You've been wonderful even if you don't realize you've been wonderful.

And Melissa, if you're really looking to do some Internet stalking, I have a good list of candidates who are far more volatile and therefore fun to watch. Starting with Willem's mother, a list of his ex-girlfriends, and a few from my own circle...