Saturday, December 04, 2004
got poop?
Thought I would pass along the e-mail I just sent to my husband. Looks to be a fun day at my house! We'll all be wearing raincoats.

According to my computer, it is 8:18. But according to your son, it is POOP:30.

He slept till 5. By 5:45, I thought I would send you an e-mail this morning, titled "Two Poops," expressing my surprise at his early-morning gastrointestinal enthusiasm. He went back to sleep till 7. By 7:15, I mentally rewrote the e-mail under the title "Poop Three Times," and it was going to contain both an apology and a reassurance: that particular effort occurred on your pillow, but there were no leaks. But once again - actually, twice again - he has outdated my title, as we are now up to FIVE TIMES.

And I'm not counting every little grunt-and-thunder, mind you. I'll wait out the two or three requisite bursts, and then wait ten minutes to be sure. Then we wander into his room and I lay him down and attack him with a cold wipe. (And why does he like that so much?? I would be a much less pleasant person in the morning - not that I'm fighting off Congeniality Awards as it is - if someone ten times my size applied cold baby wipes to my derriere every day.) Then we return to eating or playing or what have you. And then he will pause... attaining an almost prayerful attitude... and then PFBLLGHTT.

So, just so's you know, I won't be getting any housework done today. Or schoolwork, or even basic personal hygiene. I will spend the entire day existing from explosion to explosion (because none of these are disappointing efforts; he really is outdoing himself in fecal output today).

Give me a call or drop a note when you have an idea of what time you'll be home. You'll be able to find the house by aiming for the tremendous, steaming pile of diaper-filled garbage bags accumulating outside. So, so glad he's not on solids yet - at least these aren't nasally offensive experiences!

Must go apply another clean diaper. After all, the Artist requires a clean palette, no?