Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Who says that stress and worry can make you sick?

Well, me.

I've got a vicious migraine today; the kind where you load up on just as many drugs as your liver will allow and then come home for a three-hour nap in the middle of the day and even then you still can't bend over or complete a thought. It happens, sometimes at random, but just lately I've had a little extra stress and worry flattening out the ridges and valleys in my brain, so I'm guessing perhaps there's a connection.

Normally, when stressed, I can unload, either here or on my friends or my husband, as needed, and I'm fine. But I'm experiencing a peculiar mix of angst, which can't be completely unloaded in any one place, which makes it harder to efficiently distribute out of my brain.

Can't even go into detail here, because of the mix of people who post here. Well, I can, but the resulting post ends up looking like one of the government-declassified Area 51 documents:

First, there's my dad. He's blah blah and now his blah are blah, plus he just broke up with his blah girlfriend. I'm seriously worried for his mental and physical health, and while there are ways I can help, those are limited.

Then there's Willem. He's upset about blah blah and doesn't know what he wants to do about it. Likewise with the blah and blah situation. And let's not forget the blah, with all its resultant details and decisions. And, of course, his comprehensive exams are in a month, so even in the absence of the other stuff, he'd be freaking out just a tad.

Work was hard yesterday. Really hard. I hospitalized an eight-year-old blah with PTSD and a blah of blah blah, and a blah-year-old man having his first schizophrenic break. I watched another ED patient die. In the hallway. Watched it.

You get the idea.

So, stress. And worry. And nowhere to put it.

Which all, frankly, sucks, because there's so much cool stuff going on in my life right now, too. I went to the library with Mary today, and actually took out some books. For myself. To read. It's been ages and ages since I've done that - I had to get a new library card - and I'm optimistic that I might finally be moving out of my mental stagnancy and ready to absorb some new ideas. I taught Mary to knit the other night; she's already made a washcloth and about 1/10 of a beach bag. We're sending Emily to sleep-away camp on Sunday, which scares the carp out of me (which is, admittedly, probably better than having carp in me) but I think it will be really good for her, too. Jacob is almost completely potty-trained again, after being effectively untrained after a week at my mother-in-law's. And so on.

Just riding a bit of a roller coaster right now, and starting to get a touch of motion sickness.