Thursday, November 02, 2006
Please Don't Wish Me Luck
In some things, sure, I welcome it. Wish me luck in finishing about a dozen sweaters before Christmas. Wish me luck when trying a new recipe. Wish me luck in not creating something new for my kids to talk to about their someday-therapists, today.

But when it comes to internship applications, please don't wish me luck. If you all could do your best to, in fact, distract me from the mere presence of such things as psychology internships, student loans, and imminent rejection, that would be just fabulous.

The thing is, last year, my applications were 100% rejected, and I was crushed. I wandered into a deep dark depression that lasted many months, made worse by my lack of health insurance (no meds) and employment and acquaintances who were employed at all of the local mental health agency (no therapy). I thought I would never be able to have the career I had set my heart on, and I thought I would never pay off my student loans. And I thought I would not be myself, as I had always envisioned me.

I've had time, and healing, and perspective... and a big enough change in my financial future... to make all of those worries fade a bit. So I'm better. And I've learned that I can live through that big slimy pile of rejection if it should get dumped upon my head again, so I'm not even especially anxious about it this time around. Really. I had a bad week leading up to the completion and mailing of the applications, but now that they're in the mail, it's all out of my hands. I'm calmer than I expected. Yippee.

The moral of this rambling is, I wanted to provide an update because, well, just because. It's my blog and I'll post what I want to. I'll offer another update when there's news. And in the meantime, if you hold an ounce of affection for me in your hearts, please just distract, distract, distract...